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Yes, that's right, I finally got to go see a movie while it was in theaters. Some chick asked me if I wanted to see a movie and I said I'd love to, but I'm focking poor. I must be more of a stud than I thought because she paid for me to get in, AND let me pick the movie. So, I saw this. I have to admit, I kinda tricked her. I told her it was a romantic movie. "Look, it's about Romeo, it's gotta be romantic!" He he he...
For those of you not in the know, Romeo Must Die stars Jet Li, Aaliyah, DMX (sorta), and a bunch of other people who are famous. Jet Li is our hero, out to get revenge for his brother's death and get some from hot chocolate momma Aaliyah. Unfortunately, not all is as it seems.
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The city that Jet Li's character comes to (I forget the city and the characters' names) is in the middle of a racial gang war. Well, not really a gang war, there's some sort or peace treaty no fire thing going on, but upon the death of Jet Li's brother, who is also the son of the Asian Mafia boss, things get a bit sticky.
To make things worse, Jet Li's chocolate bunny is the only daughter of the black gang leader's boss. So, you can see why everybody has this problem with "Romeo" being in town.
To make matter's worse, the evil White Man is in town and playing both sides for a chance to open a new NFL football stadium in the city. The fact that he's the only white guy and portrayed perfectly as the traditional white devil stereotype kinda irked me. Well, not really irked me, I was afraid all the other people in the theater were gonna beat me silly, considering I was the only white dude there. I think the only thing that saved me is the fact that the bee-otch I was with was Asian. I don't know where from, I never thought to ask.
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If you don't know who Jet Li is, you need to go rent Lethal Weapon 4. I think I might do a review for that movie just because Jet Li is in it. Jet Li is (according to one source, Krispy Deamon's old boss) the fastest martial artist alive. I know, Jackie Chan is pretty fast, but you have to see this guy to believe it. Jet Li's English is better, but he doesn't beat guys up with ladders and tables near as well as Jackie Chan.
I don't know if maybe it's just because this was the first movie I've seen in a theater in a long time or what, but this movie was REALLY good. Don't get me wrong, I've seen better martial arts movies before, but this one was one of the very best. I hope that Jet Li does more films in the states, but looking at the list of movies from Jackie Chan and such, that doesn't appear likely.
The greatest part of this movie is DMX. Now, I don't care for DMX too much, but I know a bunch of people who said they were going to see this movie just because he's in it. If that's why your going to go see it, than don't waste your money. He has like, two lines, which I'll give you here: "These are big machine guns that will kill you all so get outta my nightclub!" and "AH! SH*T! I'M FOCKING DEAD!!" Sorry to spoil it for you. He does manage to make it to the end of the movie though, he just doesn't have any lines or scenes in it.
So, if you like martial arts movies, or gangsta movies, or you like one of the big name hip-hop gangsta rappas that are in this movie, you should go see it. I also think that you can get your woman into it if you act like you want to see it because of the love between Jet Li and Aaliyah. To tell you the truth, this movie does get pretty romantic. I mean, I can't remember the last time I saw a guy break another guy's spine over a woman. OH! Also tell your woman that Aaliyah kicks some ass in the movie too. That should get her feministic monster in a tizzy.
Rating: 9 broken vertebrae
Websites:
Know a good site about this movie, or one of the actors/actresses/directors/key grips/etc involved in it. Send me an e-mail at jarjarschmoke@hotmail.com
